Where Should We Beginwith Esther Perel

S4 Episode 9: Trapped in Their Own Story

S4 Episode 9: Trapped in Their Own Story

Overview


In this episode of Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel, we meet a couple who craves connection and acceptance from each other, but have been disconnected for a long time.  They each want more from the other. After years of not receiving the affirmation they needed, each discovered it outside the marriage.

As the two begin to address their history of rejection in Trapped in Their Own Story, will they be able to finally create and continue an honest and meaningful connection?

Thematics

What to listen for in this episode of Where Should We Begin:

  • Connection is elicited in each of us in different ways. For some, connection is fostered during sexual intimacy. For others, emotional connection is desired. Have you considered what makes you feel most connected with your partner?  
  • When you operate from our own internal logic, you interpret everything in a relationship from a place of what you believe to be true. These beliefs may or may not actually be valid. Have you experienced this in a relationship?
  • Many women struggle with owning their sexuality. As a result, they hand over their sexual power. This abdication often results in feeling preyed upon. Esther gently guides the conversation to help the wife reclaim her sexuality by identifying what she wants rather than what she doesn’t want. Have you claimed ownership over your sexuality and eroticism? How might you do this more?
  • Many grow up with negative views around sexuality, full of shame and guilt. The consequence? An inability to communicate openly about sex with your partner. This is a common relationship struggle. Did you grow up with a negative or positive relationship to sex and sexuality? How does it impact your relationship to sex today? 
  • He grew up as a Black child in an entirely white family and community. We see the deleterious effects of his parent’s unconditional ‘colorblind’ love and a hidden family secret. What does it look like to have your fundamental difference ignored rather than embraced?
  • How does it feel to ask yourself what you want? To be asked? Try the exercise at the end of the episode to develop curiosity. Ask your partner to list 10 wants. Listen and take notes, but don’t influence.

Transcript

Transcript PDF